About me n you

I have created this blog for two of us. YOU - silly n crazy, and ME - crazy and your good angel.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Time

Time has changed..... yes...... in every sense, it has changed.... we just adjusted it to "fall back" by an hour, time has changed on all of our electronic instruments.....

but sadly time has also changed in our lives.... the time when we used to chat with each other for hours, the time when we used to be with each other for long hours, the time when we always waited for opportunities to be with each other, the time when we were really into each other, the time when we used to get restless on weekends and used to count days and hours and minutes to see each other, the time when we used to meet like two lovers have met after ages and hug and kiss each other passionatly, the time when you used to wrap me in your embrace and magically touch me, the time you loved me and I loved you...........that time has changed...

The "fall back" time will again change in spring and the cycle will continue. But our "precious" time has changed forever, it will never be the same again....

What we think of each other

What I Think of YOU

A – Awesome, Amazing, Attractive, Accepting, Appreciative / Aawara, Aashiq
B – Brainy, Bright, Black Box / Buddhu, Balma, Bhola-bhala
C – Cool, Charming, Caring, Cute, Crazy, Confiding, Cheerful, Colorful, Confidant / Chitchor, Chail-chabila
D – Dear, Darling, Dashing / Deewana, Dost, Dilbur, Dilki Dhadkan
E – Exciting, Entertaining, Encouraging, Energetic
F – Friendly, Funny, Forgiving
G – God’s Gift (to Me), Good Guy, Generous / Gora :)
H – Handsome, Humorous, Helpful, Honest, Hero / Humdum, Humsafar
I – Intelligent, Irresistible, Interesting, Inspiring
J – Jolly / Jaan, Jane-ja, Jane-maan, Jane-jigar, Jadoogar
K – Kind, Knowledgeable
L – Loving, Loyal, Lively
M – Magical / Mehboob, Masoom, Mitwa, Maseeha
N - Nice/ Nadan
O - Optimistic
P – Passionate, Precious / Piya, Pyare, Preetam
Q –
R – Romantic / Rangeela
S – Smart, Silly, Sweet, Sweetheart, Sweetie, Superb, Sensitive, Sober, Special / Saajan, Saathi, Sanam, Sapno ka saudagar
T – Talented, Truthful, Thoughtful, Trustworthy
U – Unforgettable, Understanding, Uptight (sometimes :)
V – Vanilla Hero
W – Wonderful, Wise, Wild Animal
X –
Y – Youthful / Yaar
Z – Zindadil

-------------------------------------------------

What YOU Think of ME

A – Angel, Appealing, Angelic, Awesome, Amazing, Attractive, Alluring
B – Beautiful
C – Caring, Cute
D – Dear, Darling, Drop Dead, Dazzling, Divine, Distraction / Deewani
E – Exciting, Exquisite, Enticing
F – Friendly, Fascinating / Farishta
G – Gorgeous, Good Angel
H – Hot, Hideous creature
I – Irresistible, Interesting, Ideal
J -

K – Knock out
L – Lovely
M – Marvelous
N –
O –
P – Passionate
Q –
R – Ravishing, Resplendent, Radiant
S – Smart, Sexy, Stunning, Superb / Sajani
T - Talented
U –
V –
W - Wonderful
X –
Y –
Z –

Monday, October 30, 2006

Darkness

Its the first day of fall season.. after the time change.. you asked me to drive carefully becasue its dark outside..... you care too much about me, I know. And darkness... yes, there is a darkness outside and inside me, inside my heart, and I know inside your heart too..... I hope time will give us the strength to overcome this darkness and will shed some lights of hope and happiness...

I never thought it would end on a sad note like this.. our relation was delicate, romantic, passionate, pleasurable and I didn't want to end it like this... I thought I would deserve a hug, a kiss from you.. and you deserved it too... we both didn't deserve it to be like this.. But then I think sometimes that no matter how it would have ended, it would have been painful and unbearable as it is now..... and yes, what you said that today was not the right time and right place and we were not in a right frame of mind to have a "closure" as you said.... so, I will wait for the "closure", when it will be right time and right place and we both will be in a right frame of mind.... and "closure" not because I want to end it that way, but we will have it only if we BOTH want to end it that way......

Why am I writing like a stupid here, I am not sure if you would feel like reading it, you already have lot going through your mind...

Your warm hug when you left me... was so much comfort.....I wish I could be in those arms forever.... I know I can't be... but atleast I hope that in future, I will have a friendly hug or a shoulder to cry upon of a "friend" when I need one.....

I am gonna miss looking at your innocent face, looking at your eyes which touch my soul, holding your hands, touching your face, kissing your cheeks and lips and eyes and forehaed and chin and ears and chest... and being in your arms, feeling your heartbits, feeling your warmth, feeling the warmth of your body..... hugging you and getting that comfort feeling... and saying to you that "you are mine..I love you"....

I am gonna miss your magical touch...I am gonna miss the way you hold me close, very close to you...and then the way you kiss my forehead and say, "you are perfect hight for me"......
I am gonna miss your passionate touch.. the way you hold and kiss my shoulders, the way you kiss my toes, your kiss on my lips, ears, eyes, chin.. and everywhere....... and the way you grab me from behind and hold me tight.... the way you hold my hands behind my back and kiss me..... the way you make love to me.... sometimes gentle, sometimes violent... sometimes controlling... sometimes passive... giving me all pleasure.... the way you make each and every part of my body very sensitive... and my goosebumps... all over me... even with your thought, even with you on the chat... a cold wave going through my spine and my back and through my body...

And the way you say to me every single day... "you look beautiful, you look pretty, you look gorgeous."....... and you say "you look great, you smell great, you feel great, you taste great".....
And when you call me your "Good Angel".....and say "I like calling you Good Angel", I like saying it, I like writing it...... and you say, "See, what you've done to me.. you have that power, you should be proud of yourself.... its amezing...".......

there are millions of memories about you and about us.... this space is too short to write all those... but my heart is big enough to hold all those memories until my last breath .....................................
Even though these were very short moments in life, is it so easy to forget????? Help me please to go through this and survive through this... I know, you are also going through the same hell... but show me the way if you can.. to pass through this darkness and walk towards the light....

I just want to say it one more time....I Love You.......... and thats the truth and nothing can and will change it.. NOTHING....I mean it ....I know we can't be physically or emotionally involved in each other..... What you said this morning means SO much.... that you love me, and you miss me when I am not around you and you want to be with me always...... although the truth is that we cannot be in love with each other, we cannot be around each other and we cannot be with each other always......

But we can still be friends, good friends, best friends, close friends... if not anything else......Please Please Please Please Please Don't walk out of my life completely.... be there for me.... I know you can't be there for me every time I want you or need you.. you can't be physically present for me....you can't be there at the cost of your family..... but I still want you..... as a friend, as more than a friend without disturbing our lives or families..... as my best buddy whom I can always trust, whom I can always like and love, in whom I can confide upon and who will be there always for me as a soulmate, at platonic level and emotional level deep in the heart.. and who will always have a place for me in his heart..... and for whom I will ALWAYS be his "Good Angel"

Please know that I will be always here for you as I can... I will be your best friend, soulmate.... whom you can always trust, you can always like, love and confide yourself.....

You know that I believee in re-birth, carnation...... I know that probably you don't believe in it..... but I believe deep in my heart that you will be mine and I will be yours in next lives.... and there will not be anyone else between us......No One......

Until I am alive, just know that in some corner of the world, there is always someone who LOVES you a loooooooooooooooooot and who cares for you a lot, more than her own life...and will be always wishing and praying for your happy life....... I Love You my sweetheart............and I will ALWAYS Love You...

just for you....aapke liye...

ZAMANE BHAR KI BAATO ME HAME NA BHULA DENA
in all your day-today affairs of life, don't forget my name


JAB KABI YAD AYE TO ZARA SA MUSKURA DENA
If you ever remember me, smile a bit for me

JINDA RAHE TO MILENGE BAR BAR DOST
We will meet always, if I am still alive

NAHI TO HAR DIWALI MERE NAAM KA DIYA JALA DENA
Otherwise on diwali, don't forget to light one lamp in my name .........


Saath Humara pal bhar ka sahi
So what if our journey was only for few moments


par woh pal aise jaise koi kal nahi rahe
But the moments were such moments that time was stopped

zindagi mein shayad phir milna humaara
Not sure if we will again meet in this life

par mehekti rahengi tumhari yaadein humare sang sahi
but fragrance of our memories will always be with me....


Rulane se pahale ek bar hasaya to hota
Before making me cry, I wish you had made me laugh once


kasur kya hai is dil ka bataya to hota
Atleast have told me what was my heart's fault

mili saza us khata ki jo naki kabhi hamne
Got pushined for the crime that I never did


kaash ye dil kabhi kahi lagaya na hota….
Wish I had never given this heart to you...


Aye dost teri dosti uss ghadi tadpaayegi,
hey my friend, your friendship will make me restless that moment of time

Jab zindagi kahegi alvida, Aur maut bhi naa aayegi !
when I will be fighting between life & death,

when life will be saying alwida (good bye) to me, and death will not be coming close to me....

Guzare Huve Kal Ki Yaad aati hai
I am remembering and missing those old days

kuch lamhon se aankhen bhar aati hain
And tears rolling down my eyes when I am remembering some of those moments

woh subah rangeen shaam nirali doob jati hain
that colorful morning and romantic evening, has now past

jab aap jaise doston ki yaad aati hai.
When I am remembering a friend like you.....

Final decision.....

After talking to you earlier today, it looks like that you have made up your mind to make the final decision. I don't know why I am so restless, scared, nervous...even though I knew this was coming some time soon. May be you are not insane and stupid like me, you are more mature and practical person, and taking a right decision. I don't know what to do, I feel like running away somewhere, far far away from you, I feel like crying... I don't know how long you are going to talk about it today, not sure if you have enough time for this.... I don't know what I am writing... My mind tells me that what you are thinking is correct, but my heart does not listen to it...it was very very very hard to hear "NO" from you this morning...... I never felt so much pain any time.... and I don't know how to cope up with this situation.... I know you are not mine, you cannot be... but its hard to accept.... at this point, without talking to you, I don't even know what you have decided, if you are gonna break-off completely with me, or we are still going to be good friends... thousands of thoughts coming to my mind... i don't know if you are going to be a "Black Box" for me going forward.... I hope not, I don't think I can handle that..... may be I am looking more stupid and insane here.. I will stop..... please help me, I have tears in my eyes and now these letters are also blurry... I don't want to loose you completely, as I said so many times, you and your friendship is very previous to me and I can't loose it for any reason.... and I hope its the same for you.. I hope I will always have the same "special place" in your heart and I will always be your "Good Angel"....... no matter what decision we make, you will always be the same for me, silly, crazy, buddhu, diwana....thats not going to change, I will always love you.... forever...

Sunday, October 29, 2006

पानगळ

खरं म्हणजॆ आज दुपारपासुन असा गप्पांचा मूड आला हॊता. हॆ पानगळीचॆ दिवस असॆचंं हुरहुर लावणारॆ. ऊन कललॆलं असावं, पण संध्याकाळही नसावी. ऐकटा दुरवर पसरलॆला रस्ता असावा आणि असावी ऎखाद्या जीवलगाची सॊबत. खूप गप्पा माराव्यात, आपल्या मनातलं बॊलावं, त्याच्या मनातलं ऐकावं, काहीवॆळा कुणीचं न बॊलता नुसतचं चालावं. आणि चालतचं रहावं, काळ थांबावा आणि पुढचा दिवसं यॆउच नयॆ.

पण तसं हॊत नाही. काहीच चाहुल न लागता जशी कॆशरी-पिवळी पान भिरभिरत गळुन पडतात तसॆच दिवस जात राहतातं. पानगळीमागुन पानगळी जातात. त्यांच्या अवतीभवती साठणारया पानांमध्यॆ गुरफ़टताना शॆजारचा जीवलग हात सॊडुन जातॊ. कधी जातॊ तॆ ही कळत नाही. आणि अचानक आजूबाजूचं भान यॆतं.

पानगळीचॆ दिवसचं असॆ असतात. तसचं उन कललॆलं असतं आणि संध्याकाळही दूर असतॆ. समॊर लांब लांब रस्ता असतॊ. पण शॆजारी मात्र कुणीचं नसतं. त्यावॆळी वाटलॆलं असतं, काळ इथचं थांबावा आणि पुढचा दिवस यॆउच नयॆ. आता वाटतं, काळ इथचं संपावा आणि उद्याचा दिवस दिसू नयॆ.

असॊ. ऎकुण वातावरण फारचं उदास झालं. खरं तर इतकं उदास लिहावं असा हॆतु नव्ता. पण संध्याकाळचं, त्यातल्या त्यात पानगळीच्या संध्याकाळचं हॆ खास वैशीश्ट्य आहॆ. ती कशी जाणार हॆ आपल्या मुडवर अवलंबुन असतं.

कधी कधी मित्र मैत्रीणीचा अड्डा जमतॊ आणि ही चिमुकली संध्याकाळ आयुष्यातली ऎक सॊनॆरी आठवण हॊउन बसतॆ. कधी आपण ऎकटॆच असतॊ. पण तरीही इतकं प्रसन्न वाटत असतं. मनातलॆ सगळॆ विकार-विचार त्या श्यामल झुळुकांबरॊबर काही क्षणांपुरतॆ का हॊईनात, पार नाहीसॆ झालॆलॆ असतात. ऎखाद्या दॆवळाच्या ऒवरीप्रमाणं मन रिकामं पण प्रसन्न असतं.

पण कधी कधी मात्र असं हॊतं. त्यावॆळी ऎकटॆपणा मुळीचं नकॊ असतॊ. गप्पांचा मुड असतॊ आणि जॊ यॆणार ह्याची खात्री असतॆ तॊ यॆतचं नाही. जसं आज झालं. रस्त्यावरच्या मावळतीच्या सॊनॆरी उन्हाबरॊबरचं तॊ यॆण्याची आशा विरुन गॆली आणि लांबचं लांब हॊण्यारया सावल्यांसारखी माझी उदासी वाढत गॆली. पानं तर इतका वॆळ्ही गळतचं हॊती, पण आतापर्यंत मी त्यांची दखल घॆतली नव्हती. आता मात्र पडणारं प्रत्यॆक पान मी मॊजत आहॆ.

छॆ! आज काही मुड जमत नाही. मनाच्या कनव्हासवर कॊणताचं रंग उमटत नही. पानगळीच्या पानांनी मनावर पक्की पकड बसवली आहॆ. जाउ दॆ, पुन्हा कधीतरी....

Friday, October 27, 2006

Mirror image

Hey... I felt so much better after we talked. As you were so busy today, I didn't think that you would get time to stop by and talk to me. And I was so thrilled to hear that you were thinking about my behaviour and how my frutstration kept on building since last couple days. And actually you were thinking completely different than what you were earlier this morning. I mean thats what friend is for, a special friend is for, who wouldn't just leave you alone when you are sad or mad or upset or depressed. A friend would actually take time to sit back and relax and think about the situation, the circumtances and the behaviour and thinks how it can be changed. They don't just walk away and leave you alone in that state of mind.....

As you can see, I have been writing here since last night, at different times, in different moods.. So, some of my comments, like from the one from earlier today, were out of some frustration and loneliness that I was feeling. You know that I love you and would never want to hurt you, so please ignore some of those comments... I am not going back and changing them just because now I am feeling different or you are feeling different. I want you to read them as is, because I don't want to hide any feelings from you.

As you said once, we should be like a mirror for each other, we should see each other as we would see ourselves in the mirror, nothing changed, nothing distorted, nothing modified or customized to make other person feel better... but the mirror image of us as is, and accept each other as we are with all good and bad things and like each other, love each other, be there for each other always, forever...

I don't know what you thinking about my writings... funny, silly, childish....No, it isn't.. I am just trying to express my thoughts and opening myself to you, about the way I feel every time, in every situation, good or bad, lonely or with you, happy or sad..... I would love to hear from you in the same way, good or bad, happy or sad, frustrated or lively... I would love to see you as you are, your mirror image...

You have a nice weekend.
I will keep a watch here for your comments, hopefully now you will have access to this blog as a team member.....

love,
An irresistable and interesting friend :)

Now I can express myself without bothering anyone....

I am glad to have my own blog. Atleast now I can express myself whenever I want, without bothering you. Unlike face-to-face talks, we have a option here to choose to read or not to read, to write or not to write. It's a different story that I would be happy if you take out time to read my thoughts and share your thoughts as well, but atleast I won't be pushing you for that....

As you might remember, I had told you that I have been very fond of reading and writing, especially writing. Since my college days. I used to write about things, things in general, things I liked, disliked, things I wanted, things I hated, things I felt..... so I am glad that I found this space where I can be myself and write things I think about. I could have written even more if it was not in English. You know I dont have mastery over English as I do have on some other languages. Its hard for me to express every thought in English. But then you wouldn't understand other languages, so for time benig I will stick to English. You might still find some stuff in other languages, once in a while, that is meant for you, and express lot more than I can say. But you can ignore it for time being until you learn those languages...

I know that we both are very busy these days, burried in work and studies and other things. You might be wondering how I am finding so much time for this thing. But you know what, I feel relaxed by doing this. I feel like I am talking to you here and I have a listening ear who is willing to listen to each and everything that I have to say. So, I might continue writing here when I feel very depressed, sad, lonley, stressed out and feel the need to talk to someone dear and close one, just like you..... I am not expecting in return that you should read all this or write your thoughts, atleast until you are burried with your other important things in work life and personal life. And I don't know how long that would be. But I know that you are also fond of reading and writing, you do that a lot, atleast reading I know... You are not a party animal or social person, but you prefer to spend most of your time by yourself just like me. So, I hope that when you do that, one of these days, you will get time to read and write here...
You are most welcome to read these and share your thoughts as well. I like it when you write or when you talk (except sometimes though ;) , so I would be glad to see what you have to say.

Thats all for now....

I am sorry....

I am sorry to know that I am now sounding pushy and may be some times forcing myself onto you. I understand you have work to do and other things in life that definitely take precendence over our relationship and it will always be that way. I have been sending you messages like crazy, calling you like crazy, and wanting to be with you like crazy and adjusting my schedule towards that by staying up late and getting up early mornings.... Its all crazy....

I will step back a bit to give you the time that you need to take care of other things that takes precendence over me and our relationship. And I will try my best to convinvce myself that this relationship cannot be a precendence over anything else in life. :( Although it will not happen over night, but as I said I will try my best.

Please understand that I am not being sarcastic, I hate to become emotional because I know you don't like it, although I can't help it. But I will try not to exhibit that behavior in front of you. But please take your own time and own space to do what you need to do, until then I will leave you alone. But know that I will be waiting here for you, as always, forever.....

I don't want to stretch this relationship too much from one side, because stretching will eventually result into breaking, which I would never want. You and your friendship is precious to me and I don't want to loose it at any cost.

Oh, and from work presepective... I know you said your work cannot be allocated to anyone. And I know you work on lot of stuff on which probably I am not very knowledgable like you. But if there is anything that I can help, please let me know. And I am offering my help not because then you can finish it off early and spend time with me, but because I care for you.

In anticipation,
Truely yours....

kitnii bate kahane kii hai...

I have so many things on my mind about you and I do want to write them here one by one. I am going to try that, but I don' think I will be ever done with that. Because what you are to me, is beyond the words!

dostii

jindagii nahii hame dosto se pyaarii
dosto pe haajira hai jaana hamaarii
aakhome hamaarii aasuu hai to kyaa
jaana se bhii pyaarii hai musakaana tumhaarii !


जिन्दगी नही हमॆ दॊस्तॊ सॆ प्यारी
दॊस्तॊ पॆ हाजिर है जान हमारी
आखॊमॆ हमारी आसू है तॊ क्या
जान सॆ भी प्यारी है मुसकान तुम्हारी!


Trying to translate for you...

I love your friendship more than I love my life
I will sacrify my life for your friendship
What if I have tears in my eyes
I love your smile more than I love my life!

You are my hero..

You know what, you are my chocolate hero and you will ALWAYS be the ONLY ONE. I know it sounds crazy n silly, but that's how everything about us, crazy n silly... ...Oh, may be I should call you Vanilla hero. But whatever it is, either Chocolate or Vanilla, you are my HERO..

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Our space

Hey dear, I have created this blog just for you and me....to jot down our thoughts... Hopefully I will hear from you here..