Final decision.....

After talking to you earlier today, it looks like that you have made up your mind to make the final decision. I don't know why I am so restless, scared, nervous...even though I knew this was coming some time soon. May be you are not insane and stupid like me, you are more mature and practical person, and taking a right decision. I don't know what to do, I feel like running away somewhere, far far away from you, I feel like crying... I don't know how long you are going to talk about it today, not sure if you have enough time for this.... I don't know what I am writing... My mind tells me that what you are thinking is correct, but my heart does not listen to it...it was very very very hard to hear "NO" from you this morning...... I never felt so much pain any time.... and I don't know how to cope up with this situation.... I know you are not mine, you cannot be... but its hard to accept.... at this point, without talking to you, I don't even know what you have decided, if you are gonna break-off completely with me, or we are still going to be good friends... thousands of thoughts coming to my mind... i don't know if you are going to be a "Black Box" for me going forward.... I hope not, I don't think I can handle that..... may be I am looking more stupid and insane here.. I will stop..... please help me, I have tears in my eyes and now these letters are also blurry... I don't want to loose you completely, as I said so many times, you and your friendship is very previous to me and I can't loose it for any reason.... and I hope its the same for you.. I hope I will always have the same "special place" in your heart and I will always be your "Good Angel"....... no matter what decision we make, you will always be the same for me, silly, crazy, buddhu, diwana....thats not going to change, I will always love you.... forever...