Darkness

Its the first day of fall season.. after the time change.. you asked me to drive carefully becasue its dark outside..... you care too much about me, I know. And darkness... yes, there is a darkness outside and inside me, inside my heart, and I know inside your heart too..... I hope time will give us the strength to overcome this darkness and will shed some lights of hope and happiness...

I never thought it would end on a sad note like this.. our relation was delicate, romantic, passionate, pleasurable and I didn't want to end it like this... I thought I would deserve a hug, a kiss from you.. and you deserved it too... we both didn't deserve it to be like this.. But then I think sometimes that no matter how it would have ended, it would have been painful and unbearable as it is now..... and yes, what you said that today was not the right time and right place and we were not in a right frame of mind to have a "closure" as you said.... so, I will wait for the "closure", when it will be right time and right place and we both will be in a right frame of mind.... and "closure" not because I want to end it that way, but we will have it only if we BOTH want to end it that way......

Why am I writing like a stupid here, I am not sure if you would feel like reading it, you already have lot going through your mind...

Your warm hug when you left me... was so much comfort.....I wish I could be in those arms forever.... I know I can't be... but atleast I hope that in future, I will have a friendly hug or a shoulder to cry upon of a "friend" when I need one.....

I am gonna miss looking at your innocent face, looking at your eyes which touch my soul, holding your hands, touching your face, kissing your cheeks and lips and eyes and forehaed and chin and ears and chest... and being in your arms, feeling your heartbits, feeling your warmth, feeling the warmth of your body..... hugging you and getting that comfort feeling... and saying to you that "you are mine..I love you"....

I am gonna miss your magical touch...I am gonna miss the way you hold me close, very close to you...and then the way you kiss my forehead and say, "you are perfect hight for me"......
I am gonna miss your passionate touch.. the way you hold and kiss my shoulders, the way you kiss my toes, your kiss on my lips, ears, eyes, chin.. and everywhere....... and the way you grab me from behind and hold me tight.... the way you hold my hands behind my back and kiss me..... the way you make love to me.... sometimes gentle, sometimes violent... sometimes controlling... sometimes passive... giving me all pleasure.... the way you make each and every part of my body very sensitive... and my goosebumps... all over me... even with your thought, even with you on the chat... a cold wave going through my spine and my back and through my body...

And the way you say to me every single day... "you look beautiful, you look pretty, you look gorgeous."....... and you say "you look great, you smell great, you feel great, you taste great".....
And when you call me your "Good Angel".....and say "I like calling you Good Angel", I like saying it, I like writing it...... and you say, "See, what you've done to me.. you have that power, you should be proud of yourself.... its amezing...".......

there are millions of memories about you and about us.... this space is too short to write all those... but my heart is big enough to hold all those memories until my last breath .....................................
Even though these were very short moments in life, is it so easy to forget????? Help me please to go through this and survive through this... I know, you are also going through the same hell... but show me the way if you can.. to pass through this darkness and walk towards the light....

I just want to say it one more time....I Love You.......... and thats the truth and nothing can and will change it.. NOTHING....I mean it ....I know we can't be physically or emotionally involved in each other..... What you said this morning means SO much.... that you love me, and you miss me when I am not around you and you want to be with me always...... although the truth is that we cannot be in love with each other, we cannot be around each other and we cannot be with each other always......

But we can still be friends, good friends, best friends, close friends... if not anything else......Please Please Please Please Please Don't walk out of my life completely.... be there for me.... I know you can't be there for me every time I want you or need you.. you can't be physically present for me....you can't be there at the cost of your family..... but I still want you..... as a friend, as more than a friend without disturbing our lives or families..... as my best buddy whom I can always trust, whom I can always like and love, in whom I can confide upon and who will be there always for me as a soulmate, at platonic level and emotional level deep in the heart.. and who will always have a place for me in his heart..... and for whom I will ALWAYS be his "Good Angel"

Please know that I will be always here for you as I can... I will be your best friend, soulmate.... whom you can always trust, you can always like, love and confide yourself.....

You know that I believee in re-birth, carnation...... I know that probably you don't believe in it..... but I believe deep in my heart that you will be mine and I will be yours in next lives.... and there will not be anyone else between us......No One......

Until I am alive, just know that in some corner of the world, there is always someone who LOVES you a loooooooooooooooooot and who cares for you a lot, more than her own life...and will be always wishing and praying for your happy life....... I Love You my sweetheart............and I will ALWAYS Love You...